“Shrekking,” the dating trend from TikTok that encourages people to go out with someone they’re not attracted to
In 2026, “shrekking” emerged as one of the most baffling dating trends of the moment. Originating on TikTok, this phenomenon challenges a belief that many consider fundamental: Isphysical attraction really essential for building a solid relationship?
What exactly is “shrekking”?
The term takes its name from Shrek, the endearing ogre from the Disney saga. The idea is simple: set aside the pursuit of physical attraction in favor of a partner who is protective, emotionally available, and capable of building a lasting relationship.
As surprising as it may seem at first glance, this concept reflects a deeper shift in our approach to romantic relationships. Yet it didn’t come out of nowhere. Gen Z, raised in the era of dating apps and “situationships,” seems to be questioning intensity as a central criterion for a couple.
As a result, emotional security has become sexy. Someone who clearly communicates their intentions now seems more attractive than someone who is seen as elusive.
A trend that originated in the depths of TikTok
The phenomenon has spread rapidly on TikTok, where thousands of users are sharing their experiences. Many stories describe how a relationship that initially lacked spark evolved thanks to the emotional stability of a caring partner.
Consequently, what some call “shrekking” directly challenges our priorities. Physical attraction takes a back seat to qualities such as kindness, reliability, and clarity of intentions.
Charlotte York and Harry: The Pop Culture Reference for “Shrekking”
Some see an early manifestation of this trend in the cult classic 1990s series *Sex and the City*. Charlotte York, played by Kristin Davis, is searching for the perfect husband when she falls in love with her divorce lawyer, Harry Goldenblatt.
Yet Charlotte doesn’t find him attractive. Worse still, Harry embarrasses her.
“Do you realize how lucky you are to be with me? What do we look like? Do you know what people think of us when they see us together?”
Charlotte York ends up marrying him anyway, largely because of the kindness he shows her. What adds nuance to the situation on screen is that this marriage was not premeditated: Charlotte does not choose her husband by default, but actually falls in love with him, despite herself.
A scenario that mirrors real life
This fictional couple resonates with a reality that many can relate to. Thus, Charlotte and Harry’s story illustrates that attraction can arise where you least expect it.
However, there is one crucial distinction: in *Sex and the City*, romantic feelings are not calculated. They develop naturally, over time and as the characters get to know each other.
- Shrekking values emotional availability over physical appearance.
- Gen Z sees this as a solution to the disappointments of dating apps.
- Charlotte York and Harry Goldenblatt are cited as pop culture examples of this dynamic.
- Emotional security has emerged as a new criterion for attraction.
- The phenomenon emerged and spread primarily through TikTok.
“Shrekking” is a divisive topic: emotional maturity or a calculated move in love?
Opinions on this phenomenon are divided. On the one hand, some see it as a sign of emotional maturity: choosing a stable partner rather than chasing after toxic but thrilling relationships.
On the other hand, some people are speaking out to highlight a real risk. This trend reinforces certain aesthetic standards by implying that a person deemed less attractive would necessarily treat their partner better. Conversely, it also suggests that an attractive person would inevitably behave poorly. This line of reasoning establishes a hierarchy around beauty and turns it into a bargaining chip within the relationship.
Furthermore, this line of reasoning risks reducing a romantic relationship to a rational calculation, devoid of any spontaneity. Desire and stability then become two opposing poles, when in fact they could coexist.
The question raised by this phenomenon is, however, a legitimate one: in a world saturated with fleeting relationships and ghosting, isn’t it reasonable to reevaluate one’s criteria? Yet there is a risk of confusing healthy compromise with giving up on one’s own desires.
Have enough self-respect not to choose by default
The debate sparked by “shrekking” raises a deeper question about self-esteem. Looking for a partner who is attractive in every way—physically, emotionally, and intellectually—is not an unrealistic expectation.
On the other hand, this right to universal attraction also requires granting oneself the self-worth necessary to claim it. Perhaps true emotional maturity lies precisely in this: valuing oneself enough to refuse to choose between desire and security, and to seek both at the same time.
